My true self revealed. ;D

[Dragoneyes]

I have had many of these over the years, you'll learn to be patient in the future. Sometimes it's better to listen to your other before demanding anything...
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Look into the eyes of the dragon and it will reveal your soul....

[Namhias]

Many of what? I hope you don't mean physical shapeshifting.

[Dragoneyes]

No dreams, Desu Vue, seeing things outside of my physical self.....
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Look into the eyes of the dragon and it will reveal your soul....

[Hyraxylos]

[Roark]

That was an increatible story. It sucked me in right from the start. Definatly should post it in the writing section. I must say.
I too have the samething. Not as intense as you do, but I here all these voices in my head like someone is always talking to me. I know there dragons. They told me so. There is no telling how many dragons are raging in me, I don't really know what all of them look like, I just imagine.They are always speaking. I am just thankful they let me sleep at night. Thing is we've learn to coexist with one another. Sometimes they speak to me in dreams or some times just out of the blue. Sometimes I get caught talking to them in public. To humans I'm some kind of Schizo. I somewhat learned what it is they want of me. They said that they want me to be their voice. I can't explain what that means, I don't even know. That's why I think I'm here. To let others hear what they have to say. Few of them will make there prescence known to every one throught the books I write.
Arbiter and Auroara are two dragons that exist in a story here on SDB.
We all know each other well, many more dragons seek me out, asking me questions I could never know, or only they should know.
I just do the best I can to listen. Truth is I wouldn't want it anyother way.
All you must do to hear him out is listen. That's all anyone wants is to be whole. I do hope you make peace with him. As I think he may be a powerful ally.
I write all these words not only for you but for your dragon as well. Try the song Comftorbly Numb. That song helped me alot. Aaron Lewis's version of it is best. Or I could just post the lyrics here.
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The blood of that which you beleive run deep within, if you feel this then there is no need to doubt.

[Eternity]

Dragonwriterx, I say this: be wary.

I too, heard voices. I have thought that they were many things-- demons, vampires, shadows, spirits, gods... I could go on. I'm not saying that your voices are not dragons- no, I'm not saying that at all. I am just giving you a warning....Please, please heed it.

I have heard these voices since for as long as I can remember...

My voices differed- some were what I called "the committee". They argued amongst themselves almost constantly, and did not seem to be aware that I was there. If I got bored, I would merely listen to them, and sometimes try to get their attention (that never worked). The rest of the time they were a kind of buzz in the back of my head. Then there were other voices; I didn't have a name for them because I never wanted to think about them more than I had to. They would make criticisms of me a lot. In fact thats all they did. Just basically point out all my imperfections. They had different personalities. For instance, I could expect a certain voice to be sarcastic, or more harsh than some of the others. There were random voices, too. But predominately, there was Relipitonayo. I called him "Rip" for short. He warned me right from the get go that I should not tell others about him, because they would make him disappear. "You don't want me to disappear, do you?" Of course I didn't-- he was my very own friend! One that I could take with me, wherever I go, and would be there whenever I needed. Sometimes he would just whisper his thoughts in my ear, other times we had conversations. There was one rule, though: Whenever we talked, I had to be outside.
So time went on, and he was my friend, my therapist, my solace. Then one day, when I was 16, something changed. Never before could I see him-- I could only hear him. But this day, I saw him. He scared me-- he was like nothing I had ever seen before, and he let of a very negative energy that I had never sensed before. From that point on, he changed. He gave whispered commands of what to do. Some things were ridiculous, and even embarassing at times. But he always assured me that it was some sort of "magic" and that he was just testing my abilities, or that it was a certain ritual that would allow more magic to be around me. Having trusted him all of my life, I sapped it right up. Things progressed. He started telling me to do dishonest things-- lie, steal, say something rude, whatever. I still trusted him. After all, when had he ever led me wrong? And plus, he was putting magic into my life! What more could someone like me want? Then, the first incident happened. The cops picked me up and took me home, because i was wondering around on the highway 18 miles from my home at 2 AM. (For those that live in a place other than America--that's when its really dark and in my city, and everyone is asleep). Why was I doing that? To talk to Rip, of course! He would fill my head with stories of magic. But I couldn't tell anyone, because as he had long ago told me, that would make him go away. So instead he told me to lie-- I was suicidal, that's why I was doing it. (Oh, I left out part of the story-- to get to where I was picked up at, I had to cross a low water crossing bridge that was flooded. I just waded across it, even though the water was up to my waist.)
So, that was my first trip to the psych ward. This happened 7 times in 13 months. In and out. And each time was progressively worse. I kept hurting others. Fights and arguments, or just really negative comments. And of course, I kept hurting myself. I would cut myself, or purposely try to break my bones (like hitting my arm repeatedly with a 5 pound weight). I was labeled as having "suicidal and homicidal ideations/tendencies. It became so bad that I didn't want to do it anymore.Why though, did I continue to do it? Because he started threatening to hurt those that I loved if I did not do these different things. But yet, I trusted him. It really hit me when I overdosed. I had drinken 2 bottles of liquor, on his command, and then taken over 400 asprin pills. I had a nose bleed and lost my eyesight for 4 days because of it, not to mention that I was in intensive care at the hospital for a week. That's when I realized what he was trying to hurt me. That he had lied to me, and did NOT intend me good. So that's when I told the doctor about it. Everything just came pouring out- the embarassament, the guilt, the threats, the thinking and being told that you might never get your eyesight back...everything. That's when they diagnosed me as having schizophrenia, and put me on medication.
It seemed that everything was better for a while, but then slowly, Rip entered my life once more. To say the least, I ended up stabbing myself twice in the abdomen with an 8 inch butcher knife. I did NOT want to die at all, and I was so very, very scared. I had to wait for the ambulence to arrive, all the while lying in a pool of my own blood, because it hurt to move the least bit, and the pain was getting worse the longer time went on. Eventually I started drifting in and out of consciousness, filled with pure terror. They weren't even sure if they wanted to bother getting the helicopter to come pick me up, becase I had lost so much blood, and was fading fast. In the end, they decied to try, because it was some rule or something.... I barely remember being on the helicopter, and I was just filled with dread. I wasn't ready to die, not yet! I was so young, only 17...I know what they mean about your life flashing before your eyes. Except its not what you think. You just start realizing all the things you are going to miss, and that you are not going to be able to take these people/animals, etc., with you.... Then I drifted....


***

I woke up. I was disoriented for a very long time, but then it all came back to me. I was in such pain! I took the hospital blankets off. It hurt too much to try and take the gown off to see. It hurt to do anything. I eventually saw myself a few days later, when they let me take a bath. Hurting horribly, I looked down once the gown was off. From my solar plexus to below my belly button (and the belly button was slightly off to the side) there was a crease, held together by 37 staples. They had had to do exploratory surgery, to figure out just what I hit. It turned out that both stab wounds had penetrated my literal stomach, and they had to sew that up, or whatever they do--I'm not quite sure, and I'd like to keep it that way.

To make a long story short, I finally found what I we believe to be the right combination of medications. I am doing soooo much better! I'm almost normal, and slowly getting that way. I do not hear the voices any more. What is more, something truly wonderful has happened. I am going through my awakening! No, I do not believe that I was a dragon, for now my beliefs revolve around the theory that I was one of the grigori. But that's for another time, if at all. I'm just...changing. Things are finally looking up, and I am so happy for it.

But why am I telling you all of this? Because, out of pure concern and personal experience, I want you to be careful. I am not saying that they are--not saying that at all( How would I know? I have never met you, nor am I a professional), but they could be hallucinations. And, as in the case of schizophrenia, hallucinations and delusions tend to go hand in hand. And for some, as I have shown, that can be extremely dangerous. So just please, for your own sake, be open to the fact that it is a definite possibility that these are hallucinations possibly combined with delusions. If you come to the conclusion that it is so, I urge you with all my heart to seek professional help, because the very last thing I want to happen to somebody is for them to go through the same thing I did.

[Jasriella]

Even with all of these, rather horrible hapenings I cannot help but envy you two in the slightest. As far as I can tell I have always been alone in my sufferings. And you have no idea how horrible that has been. To suffer day in and day out, and have no one to physically confide in to. No one to share my joys, sorrows, no one to be there to catch me when I fall or to teach me to pick myself back up when I do. I....I know its horrible to be lost in myself like this but I can't keep this inside any more. I've never really fit in with any group. And even the groups that I have decided to, "hang out" with, I have always been the oddball and I have never felt that I belonged. This site is the only place I have ever been able to confide thanks to the loving and caring....well I'll just say members. But there is no voice to the words I read, you're not there when my sorrows come, you're not there when my world brightens.

I honestly feel that I've been taken from my home and put into a pit of snakes. Roark, I hope you're paying close attention. This world is not my home. I have never felt this place to be home. Even in my own house laying in my own bed I feel that I'm not at home. Home for me is wherever I was before this life. You may have helped me learn of where that may be, but then again I could just be losing my mind, but I hope within every inch of my soul that I'm not.
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I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Hyraxylos]

Wow, sure been a long while since I've revisited this thread. o.O