Otherkin and desire.

[Shiari]

This is a question I have always asked myself, and likely will always ask myself... and it's prefaced a bit with reference. (all forms of "you" and "we" in this post are generic, not specific}


Pretty much every person in existence, particularly teenagers it seems, has desired to be "special" or be "unique". We want magic in our lives, want things to be amasing. We want the newest and hottest gadgets. People join fad religions and spiritualities. It's always "new new new" and "special special special".
Particularly during the teenage years your personality is settling into how you will be as an adult. You're coming to consciously realise who you are, which in turn makes you hyper aware that you are an individual. This leads to feeling "different" from everyone... because you ARE different. You are YOU. But most teens don't seem to truly realise that. They rebel, they seek.

Some change religions. Some join subcultures. And some find otherkin.

So, with all that in mind...

Do you *desire* to be otherkin?
Does it give you any sense of personal worth?
Does it make you feel "special"?

If you truly were not otherkin, how would it make you feel?

Please, ask yourself these and answer yourself truthfully. It's really easy for the subconscious to make things up. This is coming from the shinoar who once thought she was a large, scaled, quardrupedal, fire breathing magic wielding beastie. It's amasing what you can learn when remove desire from truth.

If you do not want to post your answers here, fine. If you do post however, I ask that you be as truthful with us as you should be with yourself. If you don't feel comfortable answering these questions, then don't.

[Namhias]

I'm more then happy to be the first one to respond to this question!

No, I I'm not looking for something spectacular, being a dragon is something that is part of me. When I first awoke, I was excited, I finally found out who I truly was, I was happy, maybe a little bit over enthusiastic, but at the same time I was confused. After the initial realization, I didn't know what to do, what it all meant. Sure I found a very important part of myself, but it brought more questions. I was curious, I wanted to know everything.

So I did what I could do best, I searched the net, and I never stopped searching for answers. After a while, I stumbled upon a forum that sadly no longer exists now, and I joined after waiting for three months.

I was very shy, and I was afraid to ask questions, worried that I might be shot down for doing so.
There were a lot of times where I was skeptical about all of it, I doubted, I thought I was crazy. I didn't know what I truly was, my color, my name, all of it.

So I thought that I was making it all up, to get the attention in life I needed. But when I rejected it, it just nagged at me, I couldn't shake it, and my belief returned stronger then ever.

Now I know that it's just who I am. It may sound boring, but it's definitely not. It's not easy either sometimes. I'm still bothered with the fact that I still don't know my name, heck, I don't even know my color for certain.

So no, I may not know everything, in fact, I honestly admit that I don't know nearly as much as I would like to know, but what I do know is that it's a part of me. I can't change it, even if I wanted to.

[Ragnarok]

Well, I guess I'm up next.

[Shiari]

Ah.... the old days of traumatising the new ones with my singing. *grins* Sadly, I don't remember too many individuals from those days. My memory is, in general, atrocious.


I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

[Hyraxylos]

If I felt like it I'd be a bit more outright about my spirituality outside otherkin forums. I've actually never really fit in with anybody from close to the start of life because I was far more hyperactive than other kids my age, and don't try to imagine that because you probably can't. In kindergarten I freaked out the whole class by declaring that math was "easy" and artsy stuff was "boring" (and frustrating, but I didn't know that word when I was 5). From there I'd pretty much decided that I was already set in my path for standing out so after my earlier years in elementary school I stopped trying and started bragging about being weird, which led to mixed reactions from classmates and teachers.

Master woke when I was about ten years old or so, and although he didn't speak to me directly as he does now, he still kinda "urged" me, which led to my view of people overall growing darker over time until I became fully depressed. When he finally did reveal himself outright, my reaction to the notion of otherkin was roughly opposite of what he'd thought. He'd HOPED I'd embrace draconity due to being introverted, but things didn't work out that way. At least it's my perception that it didn't happen that way. I finally believed because I got personal objective proof handed to me (albeit proof that can't be shown to anyone else). Since there're lots of otherkin anyway, deciding to be otherkin would be like... iono... Declaring yourself an individual and showing it by leaving the group you're in to join some other group. Doesn't make sense does it? Even being a self-doubting otherkin doesn't accomplish this result either because there are plenty of those around as well.

For me I want to be on the same wavelength as other people, but I don't want too many similarities. This sounds pretty much the same that I suspect most people feel anyway, but I joined an otherkin forum two years ago because I wanted to talk about my own feelings with somebody who might have similar experiences, not because I wanted to "belong". As for being proud of being different, that started up long before my Awakening.
_________________
The statement below this one is false.
The statement above this one is true.
This statement is false.

[Jasriella]

Do you *desire* to be otherkin?
Very much so, I am utterly disgusted by the human race and wish that I could just shapeshift into a dragon, where I belong, and fly away to my kin.

Does it give you any sense of personal worth?
It makes me feel like I don't belong, which I believe I don't. I guess I feel that I have more worth than others because the human race resembles ants in a sense, they are all scurrying about trying to make their fruitless little mark upon the world. And all the dragon race ever did was live with nature, the way life was intended to be.

Does it make you feel "special"?
Define "special". Because this question could also be answered with the above statement. If you mean special as in unique and great, than yes. I get to live with the knowledge that I am truly something better than what my current body shows.

If you were not truly otherkin, how would you feel?
Demoralized, I have searched for the past 4 years to find an explaination to my dreams and this psychic I went to and after putting all the pieces together and finally coming to this conclusion, it would seem like I lose a portion of myself that I will forever be hollow.
_________________
I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Shiari]

I would like to point out that you just called me, as I am currently human, my family, my friends, and the man I love disgusting and pointless.

You need to learn to face reality and see the worth in individuals rather than grouping everyone here as 'inferior' just to make yourself feel better.

[Jasriella]