Schizophrenia...or "in touch" ? Long, but I need h

[Eternity]

Note: Schizophrenia is NOT split personalities, contrary to common belief. Its when you lose touch with reality, hallucinate in any of the five senses, become delusional, etc.

All my life I have been called weird, crazy, etc. I'm used to it--doesn't bother me. Since as far back as I can remember, I have seen things that nobody else can see, heard things that nobody else could hear, etc. There are always voices in my head. There is one imparticular who has donned himself "Relipitonayo" (Rip for short). For most of my life, he was my friend, my solace, my advisor. I could both see him and hear him. I used to worry my mom because I would draw pictures of him as a kid that she described as "demonic". Well, about 2 years ago, things took a nasty turn. Rip, whom I had loved and trusted all my life, turned on me. He led me to do horrible things (such as stab myself twice in the stomach with a butcher knife). It wasn't suicide-- I have never been suicidal. He just merely threatened to kill my family if I didn't do it. In that year alone I was hospitalized 7 times (mental hospitals) and oh, in the medical hostpital about 4-5 times, 2 of which was where I was in intense care.

Well, as could be expected, I have been diagnosed Schizophrenia. To a degree, I believe that. Some things are clearly not real.

Other things...I just can't explain. Otherkin signs, perhaps?

For instance, 2 days ago I had a dream about an elderly lady whom I did not recognize. The dream took many symbolic twists and turns, etc. I had a feeling that I knew who that woman was, but I asked my mom just in case. It turned out to be my great-grandma, who died before I was even born. I have never seen a picture of her, never heard any stories of her, etc. But I could describe to a 'T' what she looked like, her personality, what her voice sounded like, etc.

I have what I call "de-ja-vu", although that's not what it is at all. I dream that something happens, and it will happen in the next couple of days. Simple things, like a conversation, a fight I witnessed, whatever.

I know when something is wrong with my family. For instance, my sister got in a minor car crash a few years ago. I didn't see the crash, but I just got this feeling that something was wrong so I called her. She didn't answer right away, but called me back a little while later to tell me what happened.

I've always had SUCH a connection with animals. I was camping with a bunch of "cowboys" once with my mom(yes, I live in Texas, I just don't know what to call those people), and one of them got drunk and untied all the horses. They caught them all the next day, except one. Nobody, try as they might, could catch the one. So I decided to try. I was 7 yrs old at the time. I just went out into the field where he was grazing and waited for him to come to me. He did. And he let me lead him back to the campsite. And I have always had a real gift for training animals. My cat, for instance, can sit, sit pretty, meow on command, come, stay, etc. I just merely "mentally prod" her, and she does it. Also, I always know what she wants. All she has to do is come into the same room as me and look at me, and I can tell whether she wants food, water, attention, to go outside, etc.

I'm telepathic. Not on command, though, it just comes in flashes. It happens a LOT with my mother. I know what she's thinking, what she is feeling, etc. A conversation we had the other day went as follows:

MOM: " Hey hon, will you go-"
ME: "just a sec"
Mom: "Oh and don't forget to-"
Me: "I'm on it."

Things like that happen all the time. Like, seriously. It even freaks me out, and that's hard to do.

One last thing- I always have these dreams where I dream that I get out of bed, open the window, and take off(fly). Sometimes, but not always, I might dream that I, say, scratched my arm on a tree branch. I wake up, and I have that scratch. A few nights in a row I woke up to find that I had what appeared to be blood on me that would NOT COME OFF, no matter how hard I tried. ????

If you have any ideas what any of these might be....or if I really have just lost touch with reality due to Schizo, please tell me. I'd appreciate it so much! Sorry this is so long.... =)

[Jasriella]

I'm taking some extreme and deep thought into this.

Some of which you have stated is unexplainable. The pre and post cognition, telepathy. If what you say is true those are quite the gifts. But obviously they come with a heavy price.

I cannot offer very much advice. Unfortunately with the limitations of the reliability of people over the internet I will not dig for personal info but without it I just can't really help you but for moral support.

The only bit of advice I can give you is to listen to yourself. Always keep thinking about what is real and what is not. I do know that its impossible to tell sometimes and thats when you need to stop and think harder.

The rest I can see had already been acted upon so all I can think of is to hope you the best.


And on those dreams, I have a hunch that you're doing stuff to yourself in your sleep (Which I have done and still do myself on occasion. Given myself broken fingers, toes, and gashes in the middle of the night somehow.) and your dreams are fitting in with whats happening to your body. With the unremovable blood, I can only suggest that its more of those hallucinations unless everybody else can see it to.
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I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Eternity]

Thank you for your help, Galadriel. It means a lot =)

[Shiari]

I have a friend who speculates that having schizophrenia is rather like having an open door to the spiritual realm that you can't close... and it means that anything can get, particularly those malicious nasties. This does not negate the need for therapy and medications to help "close" that door, but it's an interesting thought at least.