An abbriged but able to be edited story of my life

[Jasriella]

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Moping never got anybody anywhere. If there is something you enjoy then pursue it to its fullest. I don't care if you're not good at it, if you like it enough you'll make yourself good at it.

I didn't know what I was going to do with myself in life until just a couple years ago. I went to a trade-school competition called SKILLS USA, took part in collision repair because my teacher insisted that I had the talent to do so. I competed, and won! With the scholarship I won from that competition I'm going to Wyotech to get the best damn education I can get in the automotive industry. And then on top of that I joined the North Dakota Army National Guard. I am an American soldier and proud of it.

All this stuff that you see there I worked my but off for. I have never seen life above poverty level, and through blood sweat and tears I've worked myself to where I'm at now.

Nothing in life is free. There's going to be times when you'll wonder if you'll ever make it out from where you're at now. But you have to have confidence in yourself and know that you can do anything. You'll get out of that position and persevere.

But only if you can find that drive within you to succeed!
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I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Shiari]

You aren't going to be instantly good at anything. I'm pretty good at drawing, but I've been actively drawing for 8 years. I'm pretty good at my job, but I've been doing that for 8 years as well.

Being good at anything takes work, effort, and *practice*.

[Eidolon Nagendra]

Errg... I don't really like it when people tell me I'm feeling sorry for myself, even though it may be true. I do not feel sorry that I am such a stupid git and wallow in self pity, and I dont know why I havent tried to change it, I bet most people have had to deal with many more years of failure than I have. Personally, I believe that I must have done something to deserve this, and if I deserve to be punished, I will go through with it. If I was not meant to be like this, then whatever happens is out of my control. And one of my problems is I tend to give up easily, so I never get good at anything. I am not very fond of what I am, but some things I cannot change, and I am so tired of fighting against myself.. I just am so lost inside myself, I know not what to do. People have told me I must change myself, but I cannot. I am who/what I am, and I do not posses the power nor the will to change myself. All I know is not to kill myself, which I did plan on doing many times in the past and still crosses my mind today, but I will not do it, for two reasons. I know that somehow people want me around, and I cannot die until I understand a few things that I can elaborate on, but will not as of now, since I am very often told I talk too much.
_________________
Thoughts at night always leave me crying,
I am dead inside, and somehow still dying.

[Jasriella]

Stop right there, stop, stop, stop! Look at what you're doing to yourself! I was 16 too before I found out what I wanted to do with my life. So what if you failed. You fell down. Well guess what, you gotta learn to pick yourself up again. This wallowing in self pity, the self denial, it's the whole reason you can't do anything.

Stop thinking of yourself as a worthless peice of crap, because you're not. You're part of the next generation that gets to figure out how fix and sustain a failing government and economy. And how's that going to work when you're stuck wallowing in self pity?

Whatever happened in our past lives, happened then if it did. There's nothing we can do about it and punishing yourself because you think this life is punishment for something done then is rather pointless. Make the best of what you've got. There's something there, you just need to find it and get you head out of your a**.
_________________
I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Shiari]

I didn't fully figure out what I wanted to do with my life until I was 23. I'm 26 now and in a job I love and with a chosen purpose that I find incredibly fulfilling.

I ask you this: Were you this emotionally weak as a dragon? How would your old kind treat you if you tried acting like this there?

You either need to buckle down and develop some strength of will, or go see a mental health professional because you are depressed and may need to be medicated. It's nothing to be ashamed of and my brother could attest that getting on the right medication can change the world.

[Eidolon Nagendra]

As for being emotionally weak as a dragon, I cannot say, since I know nothing of my past as of now. And they probably would have treated me the same way I've been treated now, which I should probably learn a lesson from. I don't know how many times I've been told something similar to this, and I don't know why I haven't learned from it yet. But as for taking medication and seeing a mental health therapist, I already did both, simultaneously, but it didn't do anything, else I would be different. Right now, there are so many things on my mind, with all of this current subject matter passing through my head, I'm starting to think... Well, I'm wondering why nothing really pleases me anymore, aside from having friends to do things with. I guess maybe what makes me like this is everyone degrading me, and circumstances always being not in my favor. I think I've gone so far off the deep end from it, that I do it to myself now. I do recall trying to be positive about things at times, only for them to be thrown back in my face, when it is based on either skill or luck. Either that, or someone comes up to me and tells me how worthless I am at what I do. I suppose it is my own fault though, for letting things get to me. And I would like to stop this, but.. I don't know how to act any other way, it feels foreign and makes me uneasy. And when I am uneasy, it scares people away. Of course, the way I am now probably scares people away too. But I don't normally show this to other people, I posted it here though, because people learn from experience, and this is likely where I'll find someone of similar experience.
_________________
Thoughts at night always leave me crying,
I am dead inside, and somehow still dying.

[Jasriella]

I've said what I can. If I keep going on I'll start repeating myself .

And trust me on this, you're not scaring people away. Unless you've got a gun or are some crazily muscular and big 16 year-old, people aren't going to be scared or intimidated by you. From what I've learned from experience, people tend to pick you out and use you as a means of enjoyment. Which is how I learned to keep my mouth shut around people about my draconity.

Take a look below at the story telling section. Create a few character profiles and ask around about joining a story. A few of them are booked full. I could go in more detail about that for ya in PM if you want. It's fun, been slow as of late but there are times when it seems you can't keep up. I know I'm a part of maybe 5 or 6 stories, and one Soulforge, and I still find myself wanting to either make more and take part in more, but I know from the past that there'll be times when there'll be over 20posts in one day.

If you try and us proper grammar, there's no way you can fail at this. We all help eachother out and it gets really fun and interesting, you should try it .
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I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[Eidolon Nagendra]

I don't really understand how the whole story thing works, since I'm not too bright; that and the fact that I haven't really looked much, since I'd probably cause some error of some sort as usual. I do love stories, but they always hurt me, because I wish that they are true, but like always my dreams just fall flat on the ground. Even so, I would definitely consider it and would like more information. As for my possible draconity, I don't exactly go around telling people, but I can spot the special ones out of a crowd and consider explaining it to them, but never actually do.
_________________
Thoughts at night always leave me crying,
I am dead inside, and somehow still dying.