Mind your own business.

[kimodragon]

I have an aquaintence that complains a lot. Mostly about everything and everyone around him. I suppose that he does it just to clear his befuddled mind. But it is annoying sometimes. Because some of the things that I find out about. I should not know. I know most of the people that he talks about. And they would be quite embarassed if they knew that I know their business. This person is so inconsiderate and self-centered and has been this way for so long that no matter what anyone says to him, to correct the problem is not going to stop him from spilling the beans. I have tried; to no avail.

And yet secretly I enjoy hearing these stories and gaining this information. Kinda my own private glimpse into the lives of people around me. I know that he does it so I am very careful of what I say around him and what I do. If he does it to everyone around him then surely he talks about me too. As soon as I leave the room!

I know information so devistating that it could ruin relationships as well as send people to jail. Thus ruining lives. And part of me says that I should reveal what I have found out. For the benefit of those involved. So that they know that their information is out there. Plus they will know not to trust the one who is spreading the gossip. And maybe he will get punched in the mouth! But if that happens then he will stop and my secret window will close. And none of it is any of my business anyway. I don't like it when people stick their nose into my affairs when they do not know me. Plus it is their own faults for not being discreet. Right?


Am I wrong for keeping my mouth shut and my ears and eyes open?
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[Serenity]

Well, for one if you don't want to hear about other peoples' affairs, tell your friend to stop or just simply walk away. He might get the hint that no one wants to hear about it and he'll stop complaining.

If he's telling you things that could send people to jail, depending on the severity of the matter, you should file a report if you have enough evidence to support your claim. However, usually information passed through the grape vine are mostly false and twisted. He might just be making false statements and the real story behind the rumor is not as bad is he made it to be.

If the guy is talking about you behind your back, talk to him about it, confront him in a peaceful way. Indulging in violence (such as the punch in the mouth stated previously) will only fuel the fire and you might get in trouble. If you do confront him, keep cool if he denies something or says something offensive to you. He may eventually stop and keep things to himself after the nice chit-chat. However, if he keeps it up I would just stop talking to him completely if I were you. There's no need to put yourself through that kind of guilt and trouble with gossip especially if he's just blabbing on about every person he sees.

As stated earlier about the information of jail topics, depending on what the person did you should file a report, as long as you can back up the story. However, I would talk to that person first about it and see what they have to say. Unless there's a murder involved or just something horrendous has happened, I don't think it's wrong that you've been listening but it's not really a good thing either. I mean, I'd like to know if someone was spreading horrible rumors about me so I could stop the person and tell the real story. But if it's just small stupid things, I wouldn't worry about it too much, just keep an eye on the guy and talk to him about what he's saying.

I hope I've helped you a bit..
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Blessings

[kimodragon]

Thank you Serenity. You have helped just by responding. It let's me know that someone is listening.

Which is what this individual that I am talking about wants. Most of us do. And looking at this whole thing from that point of view, is what I should do. Just listen. He didn't ask me to solve any problems. No one did. I do answer his direct questions with direct, current answers. As non-commital as I can. And I do not share with anyone, the information that I have discovered. Thus not inserting myself into anyone elses lives. And staying out of blame for consequences that will naturally happen without my influence. Just let everyone live their own lives their own way. Right?

Thanks for listening.
_________________
From you I receive to you I give
Together we share
For this we live

[Hyraxylos]

I don't understand why there's any fear at all of being talked about behind one's back. If someone wants information about me but they don't feel like they can ask, then what's the alternative? My policy is that if anyone wants to gossip about me then that's fine, just so long as I don't suddenly get yelled at by someone without knowing what's going on.

Your lamentations are similar to ones that I've had mentally, but have never talked about with anyone before now. I possess an alarmingly large amount of what's supposed to be secretive/sensitive information about people, and of course it goes without saying that this information isn't going to be thrown around very freely. Sometimes, however, I'll attempt to use some of it to drop hints to someone else as a way of resolving conflict between two of my friends.

That's really the only thing I actively do without waiting for permission when someone confides in me. If a friend is having painful drama with another friend of mine, and if the conflict in question could be brought to a close if the two of them knew more about what the other person is thinking, I'd shrug off the temptation to say it openly (unusual for me) and instead attempt to persuade the two to open up to each other about certain things.

Aside from that, there aren't any easy answers I know of. Yes, if you betray secrecy too many times then you won't be trusted, but then you'd have to balance between that and between dealing with sudden "emergencies". I personally would rather turn a close friend into a hateful enemy than let them die or get seriously hurt because I decided to keep my mouth shut about something dangerous, so it's never really easy. :/ You'd just have to use your own judgement for each case.
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The statement above this one is true.
This statement is false.

[kimodragon]

Thank you Hyraxylos and Serenity!
Do you two know how wise you are?

I started this discussion looking for answers for my inner turmoil and to clear my itty bitty conscience. And you have helped me get rid of some guilt.

Dear Hyraxylos. The first and last sentences in your response, sums up the whole of the dilema.

The fear of being talked about behind one's back, is the fear of judgement. The judgement of those that do not have all of the information that is neeeded to render a fair judgement. Especially if the information is given with a false pretense. Maybe an emotional one that is not truly warrented. In this scenerio, trust is hard to gain.


Dear Serenity. You lead with that great big heart of yours. Don't ever change. Those of us that have become s-o-o-o jaded, need to come into contact with souls like yours!
And the meek shall inherit the earth.

I am really glad that I decided to take a chance and bare my soul. You two have given me a little more hope for humankind. We just might make it.


Thanks for listening
_________________
From you I receive to you I give
Together we share
For this we live