Evolution

[Dacorian]

It may be quick to immediately start a second topic at my first day here. But than you know me better and that's just nice, right?

I have always been heavily opposed to the existence of spirituality, never mind that dragons come looking for people to have a connection/ friendship. years I have looked into this issue and hoped that many people could help me out but on the contrary, it has certainly never happened through this years. I started by psychological reasons, spontaneously, to bow before an image of a dragon. I said to myself: wtf?! what are you doing, people are watching! That was about 6 years ago.

As a child I was often plagued by dreams about a dragon who dies, consolidated at that time I actually don't mind at all... but the dream continued to haunt me for years.

Today, or the last few months I accepted the existence of the dragon and that heassist an unworthy soul like me... don't know why, I asked him to leave me alone because a man is not worthy of the dragon, but he didn't.

The brown dragon, plagued by dreams about bloody and gruesome scenes and hate. I don't know his name, I don't think he ever had a name. This is just a short statement, in fact there is a whole story of experiences and emotional behavior behind it all. I happy that that I can share it with others.

Greetz.
_________________
My thoughts are not pure, white doesn't exist in my eye's.

[Soli]

Hey Dacorian,

From what I gather, you're referring to a single being that has followed you in your conscious, and subconscious life by coming to you as a brown dragon. Have you had any drawn out conversations with this entity? Has it perhaps told you about itself, or why it's there?

I once had many similar dreams to this one, only it was an orange colored female dragon that came to me. So many dreams of just hours on end where she would sit before me, slowly sway her tail, and just smile at me. Questions and verbal jabs would not budge her. Eventually, she opened up to me that she was there as my guide, my spiritual guardian, and, ultimately, a dearest friend.

Rather than resisting this brown dragon's presence, why not invite it for a cup of tea and conversation? I'm certain that they might have some profound insights for you.

Let us know if that helps or if you get to speak with them!
_________________
"Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping can remove the black parts!" ~ Caboose

Avatar courtesy of Zyleeth.

[kimodragon]

Greetings Dacorian.
How has this brown dragon come to assist you?
And how does this dragon convey it's intentions?
Have you ever had a comprehensive conveyance of ideas with this individual? (A form of conversation?)
Do you wish for this dragons acceptance of you or does this dragon haunt you?

Isn't it great to have a place to come to that you may discuss such things? With people who are willing to share ideas and help each other come to an understanding of such things.

Thank you Syrobe.
_________________
From you I receive to you I give
Together we share
For this we live

[Dacorian]

Thanks for your concern.
six years ago it was really more a curse than a gift, by the presence of this identity has also my personality changed. I don't think I could just talk to them, he wants to show me more than he would like to say something. Sometimes it is possible but usually not. He is a male but inside he's darker than his skin.
So much hate for every creature. It is strange that I could feel and see no hatred in him about me, at least, that's what I think. Six years ago, when it began to be more than dreams, I gave some of my blood to the identity... I don't like to look back on that because I could not think straight at the time.

I can not call him a friend and he's certainly not full of good intentions. But me and him, the feelings are so intense.
What keeps me busy for years was the question: 'Am I worthy of him'. He never answered this question. I think it's a covenant of love and hate.

Dacorian.
_________________
My thoughts are not pure, white doesn't exist in my eye's.

[Jasriella]

An odd dragon, I'd really like a conversation with him myself if it were possible. If wronged by death or seeing how the human race relishes in death is why he is so foul I can't blame him really. Though after death it's time to start anew. You don't have to forgive those who wronged you but leave it and move on.

What I can guess though is that he's trying to tell you something but to fully understand his reasons and point is to show you, so ask him to show you. You do need to keep your head about you and not let him get out of control hurting yourself. But be straightforward no BS and ask what is it he wants to show you. If he doesn't then ask him why is he there in the first place if he's not even going to do what he was to begin with.
_________________
I am trapped between heaven and hell. My wings carry me upon the winds. Above lies heaven, below hell. Yet I must land in hell to soar in heaven. I am a Dragon!

[kimodragon]

Dacorian, you are really going through something. And I am sure that there are many of us here that would like to understand and help you through whatever it is.

I have made some observations that might help shed some light. Or at least that is my hope.

In your first post you referred to him as a brown dragon with no name.

In the next post you did not refer to him as a dragon at all. Just an identity that was not you.

The only feelings of his that you convey are of anger and hatred toward everyone around him. But you. He does not have anger towards you. But you feel as though he wants to use you to convey a message. Hmmmm, interesting.

Why did you say that you "feel" this and not say "see" or "know" this?

The feelings that you convey about yourself towards this identity is submissive. Even though you did not tell me that you "saw" that this is what he wanted. Or that you "know" that this is what he wants. You submit and make offerings even though he has not asked for these. Hmmmmmm, interesting.

A covenant is an agreement between two or more parties. You have submitted to an identity that you do not understand clearly so you do not know it's intentions toward you. Or what it requires of you. He has not agreed to anything. Love or hate.
So how is there a covenant?

He is not a dragon at all.

He is you.

You have split your psyche into two identities. Light and dark. Love and hate. Antagonist and submissive. Reality and fantasy.

To what end? Responsibility. You do not wish to take responsibility for something that has happen to you or you are about to do.

Whatever it is..... it hurts awfully bad!

But you are reaching out for understanding. And that is the best thing. That is the greatest thing!

These words that I write are from my own observation of your words. From what I have thought about you from your descriptions and sharing of feelings and structure of sentences.

I am just being a sounding board. Using myself as a filter.

I am in no way saying that I am right about you. This is just how I feel when I read your words.

I am here to listen and talk.

Thank you for listening to me.
_________________
From you I receive to you I give
Together we share
For this we live

[Dacorian]

For that he gave me a clear answer.
"Every life is the same, the common thread through this existence, and not until the snake bites its own tail, the torment continue." I don't really know what that supposed to mean but he said this for a while and I share some negative feeling with him sometimes. When I feel him the most. He has a strong influence and he was always against my behavior to talk about this with other people. I do not think that I'm even allowed to write all this.

But I don't want to lose him, we're too bright interlinked in everyday life. He allows me to say and do things that's not me at all. I'm actually not a smart or clever person he lets me be someone who can mislead and deceive people. And when I told him about killing people (yes, it came to my thought some time ago when i could feel his hate for animal and human) 'It should not be born, once in the flesh it's too late'. He speaks in riddles (obviously not english) but I understand him at moments.

Years ago I made him a small altar, a place where I can talk to him sometimes . I know, too crazy for words, but the energy is stronger than. And I'll never use the word Dragon. I've seen hem, he is a dragon of course, but it's a human word, he don't like to be called like this. And name's are not applicable too. He is a big puzzle and six years is too short to understand him. I think that even one human life is too short.

Dacorian.
_________________
My thoughts are not pure, white doesn't exist in my eye's.

[kimodragon]

This part I understand all to well.

Kimo is way wiser than I. He is a lot older and has seen a lot more.
He sees things that I do not. And he is better at explaining, describing, and conveying feelings than I am. He actually likes people.
I am a mirror. Whatever you give to me I will give back to you. I do not initiate relationships.

Brownie is right. Every life is the same. They all have a beginning and an end. And humans have a very apt description of the torment and pain and joy and sadness and the love and the anger and the quest that every life has to go through. From the the head to the tail.

It is called the circle of life.

If you are born, you will die. The common thread is the middle portion.

Feelings and ideas are conveyed that will create an image of us that all others will judge. Some of us like the image. Most do not.

Who is he to stand in judgment of life? Wether one shall live or die. How is it that someone who can not justify his own existence should determine someone else?

And since he has no form of his own. No solid standing. How do you submit to becoming his pawn? How can you build an alter to a shadow that can not make himself understood?

I call you a pawn because you have told us that he is against sharing your relationship with anyone. He wishes to control you. And you have shared that you have submitted yourself to him without knowing his credentials.

Does not take a life time to understand someone. It takes that person telling what he wants us to understand. It takes listening to someone when they are trying to be understood.

Brownie talks in riddles so he does not know what it is that he is truly trying to convey. But one thing that I totally understand is that he is greatly frustrated. Hugely frustrated at whatever it is that he is looking at. He does not accept the state that it is in.

He wants control over it to change it's will to his understanding of it's very existence. Justification for his being there.

Otherwise it is all just a big waste of time.

And nobody wants that image.


Thanks for listening.
_________________
From you I receive to you I give
Together we share
For this we live